The Dual Control Model.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE cartoons that explain sexual concepts. This link brings you to a particularly neat cartoon that illustrates the Dual Control Model. In a nutshell, there are specific things which "turn on the gas" in terms of sexual desire (e.g., fantasy, novelty, sexy talk) and other things which "activate the brakes" (e.g., stress, feeling unattractive, grief). We often think that the trick to increasing sexual arousal is to add more stimulation to the gas pedal (you know, by wearing that racy lingerie, flirting, etc.), when it is more likely that we need less activation of the brakes. So go ahead, treat yourself to that massage, get enough sleep, take that vacation, buy that monthly yoga pass, and/or book that therapy appointment. Your sex life will thank you for it!
To learn more about participating in sex therapy in Silicon Valley, visit my website: https://www.drpomeranz.com